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Last year old Tom described what
it was like at St Mary’s Church Summer Fete when he was a lad – that was
before Southend was even built. Now we look into the future.
On star-date 4518.4 the church and the fete - still going strong - are
described by Jean-Luc.
“I transported from my parents’
farm and vineyards in the Southern Department of Europe in time for the
opening of this year’s Summer Fete. My great-uncle, who was a famous
star-ship captain, first brought me to Prittlewell and taught me to love
the old church and enjoy the fete.
Although dwarfed by all the tall
buildings now surrounding it, there is an active Christian Catholic
church here, part of the immensely strong and well respected
pan-European Church of Christ. Although the building is very old it is
in a reasonable state of repair, but many of its fine features are too
fragile to use. They are preserved to show what life was like in the 21st
century.
The stone spiral staircase in the tower can still be seen through
viewing windows. The only person who needs to go up the tower these days
is the technician who maintains the clock and the main church
computer – and he goes up by transporter anyway.
The stained glass windows were a
big problem until a few years ago. The crystalline structure of the
glass was in a poor state, but it has been stabilised by exposure to a
tachyon field. The organ is much too precious to play now, but a vast
collection of organ music can be accessed from the wall terminal nearby.
Included in the music collection are a few pieces actually recorded by
some of the organists of the 21st century church!
The bells are not rung these days. For those who are
interested there is a holo-room under the tower where one can practice
the ancient art of bellringing at any time of the day without disturbing
anyone! Out in the churchyard there is very little space to park
personal shuttles – a problem even greater now that it was in historic
times. Most people prefer to transport instead. There is a convenient
set of transporter pads just inside the church near the old font.
At this year’s summer fete there
are the traditional games to play and some new ones. The ones I
particularly like are ‘Fire the Canon’ and ‘Catch the Curate’.
Strangely enough it is the older people who seem to go for these two
games in a big way. I had better explain: Each contestant tries to fire
the Canon as far as possible out into the river Thames (This is a
simulation, of course). The trophy for winning this game is one of most
sought after of the day’s events.
‘Catch the Curate’ is real-life and great fun. The
youngest member of the clergy is given a few seconds start before the
crowd of contestants pursue him round the village. The Verger (who is
half-Klingon) wanted to use pain-sticks, but she was over-ruled and we
were all armed with wet sponges. Either
out of sheer exhaustion or an inexcusable lack of willpower, the Curate
submitted to a thorough and vigorous wet sponging!
The younger ones seem to prefer
an old game recently revived at the Fair called ‘The Coconut Shy’. Real
coconuts are used, brought in especially by cargo shuttle from trees in
the Southern States, not the poor substitutes provided by the replicators!
There are Phaser Battles to try - against holograms of
one-time adversaries of the Federation, such as the Borg. This, of
course, is the easiest level of play. Everyone knows that a single Borg
is pretty easy to outwit and stun with a phaser! More difficult
adversaries are the Romulans, the Gorn, and a new one introduced this
year – the Disinherited. And then there is the ever popular game of
‘Ferengi Squares’.
There are stalls where you can get wonderful antiques - a
favourite of my great-uncle and name-sake. My particular favourites are
those providing real fruits picked from
real trees. A nice change from the fruit one gets from the food replicators set up around the churchyard.
This year, at the end of the day I won the golden trophy for firing the
Canon almost into the Shuttle Station on the far side of the river, and
a silver medallion for my heroic battle with the Gorn. All in all it
was a lovely day at the Prittlewell Church Summer Fete.”
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